I just experienced something and it made me feel physically ill. A friend is taking care of someone’s nine year old child today. Another girlfriend happened to be in the kitchen with me at the time that the child came in. As she entered, I introduced myself and reached out to shake her hand. I was met with, as my dad called it, “a dead fish handshake.” That was OK, it didn’t bother me but what happened next did. My girlfriend was standing next to me and greeted the child the same way I did. She reached out her hand and introduced herself. This time, the “dead fish hand” started to jerk back just as the two hands made contact. My girlfriend shook the child’s hand anyway and the child looked as though she had been struck by lightning.  My girlfriend said to the child, “Don’t worry. I won’t rub off you.” How is it that a nine year old child acts like an African American has leprosy and is afraid to shake hands? The answer is easy. Someone taught her to be afraid of people who are different and in this case a dark skin was what was different. How appalling that some people can still be so ignorant in this modern day and age! Please, help this world to be a better place by teaching children that diversity in people is a good thing and that what is bad in life shouldn’t be relegated to people who are different.

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Every time you see a child on a computer or cell phone please realize that  bullying could be involved. How would you feel if your child or a child you know was literally bullied to death and you didn’t do anything to help when you found out about it?

Forget the old adages like: Children will be children. If you ignore it, it will go away. Words can’t hurt you. Just pick yourself up and walk away. Sticks and stones…Be a man about it. Turn the other cheek.

Parents, what do you know about bullies in 2009?  Are you aware of the fact that according to Dr. Joseph Wright, the lead author of the American Academy of Pediatrics Policy Statement “The biggest misconception in this country is that bullying is normal behavior. That this is just kids being kids and that it really is no big deal.” Dr. Wright also cites a study that found that “…in two-thirds of school shootings – from Columbine to West Paducah, Kentucky – the shooters had been repeatedly bullied.” In addition, the American Academy of Pediatrics says doctors, parents and teachers shouldn’t just focus on the bully and the bullied. They should target the bystanders who witness the bullying.

Since many of us grew up with statements like, “Sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt you!” Sadly in the case of bullying, that is not true today! Why? In my opinion, the ability to bully has been amplified because of the internet and cell phone usage among kids. It wasn’t of the magnitude when we were young that it is today.

I believe with all of my heart that there is not a single adult out there who wasn’t the victim of a bully at least once. To each of you I say one time is not so hard to deal with. It’s the one time multiplied by ten or a hundred each and every day. This not only destroys self esteem, it causes depression and in the worst case can cause a child to take his or her own life or the lives of others just to escape the bullies.

Teachers, schools, parents and all kids need to have a “zero tolerance for bullying.” If they see it happening or hear of it happening, they have to step in immediately and DO SOMETHING to stop it! The American Academy of Pediatrics is including a section on bullying in its new recommendations for pediatricians. Those recommendations include: encouraging counseling for children and their families, treating violence related problems and increasing parents’, administrators’ and teachers’ awareness of bullying.

In my opinion  http://www.safeyouth.org

is a great site that offers information and help. I am going to share some of the information taken directly from that site.

“Bullying Facts and Statistics

Prevalence
Almost 30% of youth in the United States (or over 5.7 million) are estimated to be involved in bullying as either a bully, a target of bullying, or both.

Male vs. Female
Bullying takes on different forms in male and female youth. While both male and female youth say that others bully them by making fun of the way they look or talk, males are more likely to report being hit, slapped, or pushed. Female youth are more likely than males to report being the targets of rumors and sexual comments.

Risk Factors for Bullying Behavior
While many people believe that bullies act tough in order to hide feelings of insecurity and self-loathing, in fact, bullies tend to be confident, with high self-esteem. They are generally physically aggressive, with pro-violence attitudes, and are typically hot-tempered, easily angered, and impulsive, with a low tolerance for frustration. Bullies have a strong need to dominate others and usually have little empathy for their targets.

Children and teens that come from homes where parents provide little emotional support for their children, fail to monitor their activities, or have little involvement in their lives, are at greater risk for engaging in bullying behavior. Parents’ discipline styles are also related to bullying behavior: an extremely permissive or excessively harsh approach to discipline can increase the risk of teenage bullying.

Risk Factors for Being Targeted by Bullies
Children and youth who are bullied are typically anxious, insecure, and cautious and suffer from low self-esteem, rarely defending themselves or retaliating when confronted by students who bully them. One study found that the most frequent reason cited by youth for persons being bullied is that they “didn’t fit in.” Males who are bullied tend to be physically weaker than their peers.

Long-term Impact on Youth There appears to be a strong relationship between bullying other students and experiencing later legal and criminal problems as an adult. In one study, 60% of those characterized as bullies in grades 6-9 had at least one criminal conviction by age 24.

Bullying can lead the children and youth that are the target of bullying to feel tense, anxious, and afraid. It can affect their concentration in school, and can lead them to avoid school in some cases. If bullying continues for some time, it can begin to affect children and youth’s self-esteem and feelings of self-worth.

Effective Programs
Effective programs have been developed to reduce bullying in schools. Research has found that bullying is most likely to occur in schools where there is a lack of adult supervision during breaks, where teachers and students are indifferent to or accept bullying behavior, and where rules against bullying are not consistently enforced.

While approaches that simply crack down on individual bullies are seldom effective, when there is a school-wide commitment to end bullying, it can be reduced by up to 50%. One approach that has been shown to be effective focuses on changing school and classroom climates by: raising awareness about bullying, increasing teacher and parent involvement and supervision, forming clear rules and strong social norms against bullying, and providing support and protection for all students. This approach involves teachers, principals, students, and everyone associated with the school, including janitors, cafeteria workers, and crossing guards.”

Parents, please spread the word to every adult and child you know with this message:

Stand up to bullies. Take a stand against bullies. Don’t stand for bullying. Do something about bullies!

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Wow! I was lucky enough to have been invited by a friend to attend a Country Western concert last night in Philadelphia and what a concert it was! Kenny Chesney and his Sun City Carnival Tour with Sugarland, Miranda Lambert, Montgomery Gentry and Lady Antebellum were all just amazing! The experience was overflowing with talent and excitement and pride in being an American along with respectful remembrances of the late Michael Jackson.

As always at a concert, the noise level was quite high and all of my senses were heightened by the intensity of the sounds and colors. Then, I experienced something that was quite different my previous concert experiences. Probably because of my amplified awareness of people and animals and the fact that many are lacking in one or more of their abilities to see, hear, feel, speak or smell…I became acutely appreciative of each of my senses.

What followed was inspiring. Thinking about my blind friend Stash, I closed my eyes and just listened. I could hear the music but then suddenly I realized that I could also feel the music through my feet. Never have I been blessed with such an amazing experience. I found that actually feeling the music…the beat, the base and treble and all in between was incredible. When I opened my eyes, I could hear the music again but could no longer feel it except when the people near me bumped into me as they danced, using the word loosely, to the music.

Next, I covered my ears. Luckily, most of the people around me were “feeling no pain” and so caught up in the performances, that they didn’t notice my strange actions. After all, who goes to a concert and covers their ears? Anyway, as I experimented with this, I began to notice things that were going on around me and on the stage that I had not noticed when I was able to hear. I also began to smell things that I hadn’t detected previously. Now, I must add that some of the aromas were more pleasant than others!

I won’t get into the tasting part because, on my usual diet, I didn’t eat anything there!

I was so moved by the experience last night that I have experimented more today. While there hasn’t been the intensity that I experienced last night, there is still a difference. Now from personal experience, I have become acutely aware of the fact that people who are deficient in one or more senses, may well be more conscious of the reality than those of us who are blessed enough to have been given all of our senses.

I have a suggestion to all parents. Experiment with your children things like this. What a wonderful way to demonstrate the fact that people might not have the same physical abilities that they have but that doesn’t mean they are inferior. Quite the contrary!

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Did you know that, unless you are seeking an “in demand job,” you will have a difficult time, when you attempt to go back to work? The job hunting challenge increases with each year that you were a stay at home mom. The older you are, the more likely you will be to have to settle for less pay. If you were not lucky enough to have selected a profession that you could leave and then return as desired, finding work will not be easy. For the most part, you should not hope for, or expect a similar income, as the one you had previously. You may have to start from the ground floor or even venture into a totally different career.  Remember, that you can protect yourself and prepare yourself WHILE you are still a stay at home mom.  Please, take heed.

Keep all of your certifications and licenses current. Obtain letters of recommendation from people who were complimentary of you, while you were in the work force. Keep a provisional resume and update it constantly.  Include any positions that you have held as a volunteer and explain your duties and responsibilities. You may be surprised at how many of these details might impress a potential employer and help your resume to stand out! As we know, time gaps are not a good thing to have on a resume. You will also need to explain these gaps during an interview. You want to present yourself enthusiastically, creatively and positively. Be forthright and let all know that you are proud of the time that you spent as a stay at home mom and all that you accomplished. Do not be apologetic or embarrassed.  Instead, be excited about rejoining the work force and mention all of the things you have to offer.

It’s important for an employer to see that you are adaptable, able to multitask, willing to work hard and be a team player.  How better to inform him, than letting him know things like, “I served as the president of the PTA for 4 years and during that time, the PTA implemented several of my suggestions, which helped the PTA’s operation move from being in the red to being in the black, for the first time in 23 years.” Then, you can present the letter from the school board, thanking you for the PTA’s successes during your presidency.

If the position that you are seeking is in sales, your being in charge of the Girl Scout cookie sales in your county, may help you obtain the job. You might state something like,  “While I was in charge of the county’s cookie sales, we implemented my idea of, teaching the girls positive sales techniques and offered large bonuses to the highest  sellers. There were over two thousand more boxes sold during my tenure than in any previous years.” Present the letter to you from the head of the Girls Scouts of America, thanking you for your inspiration and hard work.

In addition, if you worked from home in anyway, this may also be mentioned on your resume.  If you were a member of a baby sitting co-op, you can accurately and honestly mention the role you played and your duties. Gather letters of recommendation that express your successes. Do not forget to add the specifics of your days as a stay at home mom and corporate wife, if that pertains. Detail the things that you did to help your husband’s advancement. If you entertained or were involved in activities that promoted your husband’s career or helped his company, many might be worth pointing out.

By including facts such as these, you will have explained the time gap in an impressive way. If the resume is written cleverly, there might not be any time gaps. The potential employer hopefully, will see a courageous, hard working, stay at home mom who would be an asset to a company, even though the reality is that, you have not been in the work force recently. Prepare yourself and believe in yourself as you venture through this new chapter of your life.

A final note, you can individualize your resume. In other words…if you are seeking a sales position, focus on your accomplishments in sales. If you are seeking a job in child care, focus your accomplishments in that area. Above all, believe in yourself! Think positively as far as your accomplishments and your abilities! Let your future employer know that he or she will be lucky to have you in his or her employ!

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Golly, I’m so sorry that I have been missing for the last few days. For those of you who don’t know about Rugby Jones, please check him out at www.rugbyjones.com or @RugbyJones on Twitter. He and his book are the reasons that there have been no posts in the last few days! We have some amazing things happening right now just prior to the book’s being available. I would like to share with you a few of the uplifting messages that we have received from people who have met Rugby Jones on Twitter and youtube http://bit.ly/sDBM7 because they are awesome and filled with happiness. If you need a mood lifter or an example of courage, this little guy will give it to you! Please email me with your comments or post a comment on his site or here! All of us would appreciate your input!

Praise for Rugby Jones and The “Tail” Of Rugby Jones….

“I’m starting to connect with the part of me that … is completely whole. I am doing this because my friend Rugby Jones did it.”
- Stash Serafin, renowned blind figure skater and author

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“You go Rugby Jones! Just goes to show you how all of God’s creatures can overcome! Rugby’s story is going to make such a difference in the world. It’s all about reaching out and touching one heart at a time.”
-Ansel Brown, The All-American Country Singer and co-writer of the inspiring song “ONE WISH”

“Rugby Jones is indeed an inspiring and motivating dog! He teaches us that life is what we make it, and it has nothing to do with disability. I also love his “can do” attitude. He is a really great example that everyone should follow. So, live life to the fullest and never give up, no matter what!
-Gloson Teh, 11-year-old author of Creative & Funny Poetry For Kids from Malaysia

“This is a wonderful book which will give parents the opportunity to interact with their children on some very important life lessons. Rugby is a delightful and charming character who models persistence, gratitude, friendship and joy, as we follow his journey through life.”
- Glenn Heath, Ph.D.

“Through a story about a family that transcends the boundaries of generation and time and even species, Broome portrays eloquently, and in a language a child will understand, the value of community for holding, loving, inspiring, and healing. A great story about accepting differences – in oneself, as well as in others.”
- Janet Sasson Edgette, Psy.D., author of Stop Negotiating with Your Teen: Strategies for Parenting Your Angry, Manipulative, Moody, or Depressed Adolescent

“Rugby Jones demonstrates the value of embracing differentness. We all can learn from this amazing dog! Looking forward to adding [The “Tail” of Rugby Jones] to my summer reading list.”
- Glenda Watson Hyatt, author of I’ll Do It Myself!, cerebral palsy inspiration

“Rugby Jones is the epitome of positivity and possibilities. We can all learn something from this little rascal.”
- Nick Hetcher, home businesses/marketing guru, author of The “Prospecting” Bible and creator of TwitterBREAK.com

“Rugby Jones delights and uplifts. It is an unlikely hero’s tale. In fact, the hero has no tail, but a heart with courage and inspiration to give.”
- Marina Spence, author of Make Every Day A Friday!

“Rugby Jones is an inspiration to us. His story teaches kids and adults the value of determination, of the overcoming spirit, and that one can succeed despite the odds.”
- Leisa Watkins, founder of Rich Woman Sisterhood

“I love your story! I too am handicapped from a head-on car crash that has left me having to use a crutch and wheelchair.”
- Kiki Kelly

“His positive spirit and his never stop attitude really inspire me – you can learn a lot from a dog!”
- Vicki Flaugher, creator of SmartWomanRadio

“Rugby Jones is a story of courage and love that we can all learn from! Rugby shows us that the human spirit is not isolated in just humans but is in all God’s creatures.”
- Debbie Mahler

“You’re awesome [Rugby Jones]. How do we get it [your book] in schools? It should be required reading.”
- Caryl DeHerrera, quadriplegic/stroke victim caregiver

“Congratulations on all you have accomplished, little guy! You give me hope that if a little pup can succeed and overcome, so can I!”
- Cathy Bendzunas, cartoonist and founder of Cathy’s Creations

“I would just like for you to know how amazing I think Rugby Jones is. He makes me realize that even when things aren’t going my way, that’s no excuse for letting it get me down. My life has recently been turned upside down by a move to a new city by myself and the start of a brand new career. When I start to struggle, I think about all the blessings in my life. Rugby sends such a positive message to all who know him that it’s infectious! We could all learn from him and should strive to keep his outlook on life. What a wonderful dog! How cool is that?”
-Amy Palmer

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I must quote my little friend Rugby Jones because he, as usual, has cut to the chase with his earnest messages about accepting differences in people and animals. Both of us have been lucky enough to have met Glenda Watson Hyatt via Twitter. Hopefully we’ll get to meet her in person someday because she is awesome! After I share with you Rugby’s words, I think you will see why.

Rugby says, “My new friend Glenda has Cerebral Palsy and she is way cool! She is very funny and very smart and I like her a lot. She wrote a book called I’ll Do It Myself. Claudia Broome has been reading it to me and we laugh during parts of it and cry during other parts. Do you know why? Well I’ll tell you. It’s because Glenda’s story and mine have things in common and we are both very smart, determined, very funny and we overcome hurdles in our lives because of our courage and tenacity…whatever that is!  Well, except that I am a dog and she is a person but you already knew that, right? I’ll tell you more about Glenda later but here’s one very cool part of her story. When she was little and in the hospital, she had gone through a lot because of the Cerebral Palsy and her parents knew that if she could see her little dog Bonnie, she would feel better. Guess what? They made it happen. Glenda got a visit from Bonnie while she was in the very clean and sterile hospital! How cool is that? I wish I could have been allowed to see my human mom when she was in the hospital but I wasn’t. Glenda’s mom and dad must be so awesome to have accomplished that. They must be very remarkable, just like I am. Well, except that I am Remarkable Rugby Jones and they are remarkable Glenda’s Mom and Dad. Don’t you agree?”

My friends, Glenda’s book shared the reality that parents who have the courage to expect their handicapped children to excell and achieve have children who do excell and achieve. No “poor me” attitude. Instead, they have a “can do” attitude. No one said that it is easy but it is possible. Look at Glenda Watson Hyatt! She is our new hero!

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I just made a decision. Thanks to a comment made by a reader and a friend [even though we have not met] I am reminded of the fact that all too many of my readers are extremely fragile thanks to the divorce process. Therefore, I have changed the rules here. From now on, one strike and you are out. No warnings, no courtesy and no second chances. If you are unkind, demeaning, degrading or rude, you are history!

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I always find it interesting when men comment on this site and blog. I guess, I wonder how or why they landed here. This blog began as one for women facing or involved in divorce. It evolved into a blog that is informational, supportive and motivational. Having said that, I have noticed that a few men email me directly and some comment on the blog itself. Believe it or not, a few of them are actually here for altruistic reasons. For the most part however, these “gentlemen” are here to seek information to help them in divorce court, to eves drop on their soon to be exes or exes or they looking for an outlet to bash women. Too often, their arrival here is not for the reason that this site and blog began. I welcome comments from men and women, young and old. I welcome diverse opinions but I do not welcome and I will not tolerate comments that offer no attempt to be courteous or respectful. Claudia’s blog and Divorce For Stay At Home Moms To Have And To Hold Hostage is here because I have a mission. My mission is to motivate and help women who feel abandoned and alone. To those of you who come here to offer negativity or women bashing, this site is off limits to you. Consider this a warning, a reprimand or a strike two. Strike three, you are out and that’s all there is to it!

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Friends, I just read a comment on my blog and feel the need to post it as an article because it is so pertinent, so frightening and so much a reality! I don’t want anyone to miss this frightening and sad comment. Please take heed!

“Claudia, Thank you for your support and voice for Stay at Home Moms! There was a generation, seemed so long ago, when SAHMs were expected, respected and appreciated. We were the backbone of society. We raised our families with the expertise that is in our genes. There was no pay, no days off, no vacation, no bonuses, no retirement plan, nothing but the love, hugs and kisses from our loved ones. What a change we have today!!! I’m going through a divorce where I’ve been insulted as a SAHM, degraded, considered lazy and even told that I “lived off of my spouse for 25 yrs”!! I’m the typical old fashioned mom from a generation ago, great housekeeper and cook, penny pincher, coupon clipper, party planner, involved parent in all types of school & sport events, tired to say the least but content that I was giving 110% to my family. I even used tools, chopped and stacked fire wood, taught my kids to bait fish hooks, mow the lawn, paint, do minor repairs, ect. I am a real worker, not afraid to tackle anything. And I worked PT doing whatever I could to bring in spare $$, housecleaned, babysat, garden jobs, ect….But, then came the Divorce! I was considered a leech, a burden, I did nothing for 25 yrs! My spouse would flip flop from saying I did nothing all this time, “nothing” meant making a salary. Then he would flip and say I worked, was able to support myself, so I don’t need spousal support. The breakdown of our marriage happened when I broke down. I was doing so much and the demand to do more from him just made me crack. When my kids were older and I got a “paying job”, which he didn’t want because he made too much money ($200,000+) for me to work “on the books”, he would drop the kids off in my office because “they missed mom”. I couldn’t work with two kids there. then he would complain that things were not running well at home because I was not there to keep it running like it used to be. It was just too much for me. He was too cheap to hire people to help clean, mow the lawn, do gardens, laundry ect….he made plenty of money but didn’t want to spend much of it. In one aspect he treated me like I was some type of super hero able to work from sun up to sundown and not be tired at night and have time for him, then on the other hand he would ask “What do you do all day?? Why don’t you get out and get a real job??” I had no hobbies and hardly any social life with other adults, my hobbies were related to caring for my family, cooking, cleaning, gardening, PTA, ect…meanwhile he climbed the ladder at work, still played all of his sports, went fishing, hung almost nightly after work or ballgames with the guys at the bar. I was almost a single mom for many many years. With the way society is going now, women should get back to raising their kids and family but it can be such a unappreciated “job”, most women opt to pay someone else to raise their kids, buy fast food for dinner because the “have” to work and are content with Well, that’s the way it is. What’s ironic about the lack of respect for SAHMs is that there’s so much praise for Stay at Home Dad’s!!! The supportive web sites, the articles, ect.”

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I just read a post from the site of my friend, Rugby Jones and it made me smile because of the innocence, honesty and exactly the kind of attitude that would be wonderful if adults could exhibit! He said in his post, “Guess what? I just found out about a Scottish Terrier named Fife’s Highland Heather and she had cancer on the bone on the bottom of her jaw. The surgeon removed half of the lower part of her jaw so that she would be just fine. Then he sewed up the side of her mouth so that, when she ate her food, it wouldn’t fall out of her mouth. Within two weeks of her surgery, Heather was fetching balls, playing tug of war and felt great. She was totally perfect! Well, except for one tiny little thing! Heather’s tongue hung out of the side of her mouth when she posed for pictures! How cool is that? How cool is Heather? Way cool I think. Don’t you agree?” Do you know about any special animals that have overcome something? Please share your stories!

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