Divorce Coach

Save The Children Ranks Best Places To Be A Mom: US #25

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Moms, as Mother’s Day approaches, I feel the need to share this with you. It is off the topic of divorce but not off topic regarding being a mom in the United States.

The Save The Children foundation released their thirteenth annual ranking of the best and worst places to be a mom in the world. As unbelievable as it may seem, the United States ranked number 25. Maybe we should be happy since we moved up by six places since last year.

In essence, they examined the well-being of moms and children all over the world.  Some of the criteria used for the report included infant mortality, contraceptive use, female education, political representation, maternity leave policies and breastfeeding rates. Norway was ranked the number one place to be a mom.

Save the Children’s CEO and President Carolyn Miles states, “The USA still performs below average overall and quite poorly on a number of measures.”

  • Lifetime risk of dying from childbirth. Mothers in the USA face a one-in-2,100 risk of maternal death, the highest of any industrialized nation.
  • Mortality rate of children. The death rate for children younger than 5 is eight per 1,000 births, on par with Bosnia and Herzegovina. A child in the USA is four times as likely as a child in Iceland to die before age 5. Forty countries performed better than the U.S.
  • Maternity leave policies. Policies in the USA are among the least generous of any wealthy nation. It is the only developed country, and one of only a handful of countries in the world, that does not guarantee working mothers paid leave.

Miles states, “The U.S. has moved up, but it’s still not great, falling near the bottom among most wealthy nations.”

All I can say is, How can we wonder why women aren’t treated fairly in divorce court when working mothers in the United States are not even guaranteed paid maternity leave?

Photo: Mat Culpepper

Often, just one call will give you the kind of support that can show you how to avoid stress and save money wherever you are in your divorce process. To find out how much my support can help you through this difficult time, please click here!

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Parental Alienation at Its Worst

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From experience, I know that women who are experiencing the pain of divorce are consoled by understanding that they are not alone.

This is a story that I have heard only 3 times in over a decade and it is absolutely heart breaking.  In my opinion, the height of parental alienation involves children who have reached adulthood.

All three scenarios have played out similarly. During the marriage, the husbands were absent as the children grew up. When they were present, they undermined the mothers’ authority in giving consequences to the children. When the divorce process began, they began to tell the children supposed facts about the mothers.

In all three cases, the husbands were very clever in the ways that they damaged the relationships between the mothers and their children. It was especially painful for the mothers because they were the ones who nurtured and cared for the children 100% of the time. The experience of abandonment by their own children was gut wrenching.

Two of these women sought professional psychological counseling so as to understand how their children could be excluding them from their lives after they had been so close previously.

The two interesting bits of advice that both received were:

  • Children gravitate toward the parent they are most afraid of losing. They are confident in the fact that the parent who was always there for them will always be there for them even though she is treated poorly.
  • Children are inherently selfish so until they are about 30, they will lean toward the parent who has more money. The one who has the money to pay for vacations, cars and even college is the one who will usually win the children’s allegiance.

Several of the ex-spouses went so far as to offer to pay for weddings but only if the mothers’ names were excluded from the invitations and excluded from taking part in the wedding plans or ceremony itself.

The takeaway is that you must be patient if anything like this is happening to you. If you keep your dignity and do what is right, things will turn around eventually. No matter how much your heart is breaking, do not stoop to the level of your ex-spouse.  If you do, ultimately it will delay your children’s realization that they were used as pawns to hurt you.

The really sad part is that ultimately, the children are hurt the most. The saddest story came from a 37 year old woman who’s mother passed away before she figured out what was really going on. Now this woman has severed connections with her father because of what he did. Now she has lost both parents and has to live with the guilt of ignoring her mother. She can’t fix the relationship or say she is sorry.

Photo: Alyssa L. Miller

Often, just one call will give you the kind of support that can show you how to avoid stress and save money wherever you are in your divorce process. To find out how much my support can help you through this difficult time, please click here!

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Divorce and Green Cards

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I just hung up the phone from a new client who was very upset with good reason. What she said that touched me was, “Claudia, please share my story. Please let other women know about the mistakes I made so they won’t make the same mistakes.”

She was born in Canada and had been in the United States for six months, when she met her husband and married him. He is a U.S. Citizen. He told her that he was applying for her to get her green card a.k.a. permanent residence card. She never followed through or made sure he had done what he said.

Per The U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, “An immediate relative relationship allows you to apply on Form I-485, Application to Register Permanent Residence or Adjust Status, to become a permanent resident at the same time your U.S. citizen petitioner files Form I-130, Petition for Alien Relative.”

Her husband began to abuse her physically and emotionally. When she couldn’t take it any longer, she told him that she was going to file for divorce. At that point, he told her that he had never filed the appropriate paperwork.

It was only then, that she realized the mistakes she made when she trusted what he said and did not follow through.

Now she is facing deportment. She is pregnant and terrified.

Photo: NYCMarines

Often, just one call will give you the kind of support that can show you how to avoid stress and save money wherever you are in your divorce process. To find out how much my support can help you through this difficult time, please click here!

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Divorce: Not The Child’s Fault

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Missing in action and I am so sorry!

Today’s post will be short but extremely important. I know how so many of you are impatient and a bit disbelieving that your children will return to you.

Divorce breaks so many hearts. It breaks your heart and it breaks your children’s hearts. The part that you must never forget is that your children did not ask for divorce. It happened for a reason that is between you and your spouse.

Take a deep breath. Try to keep perspective and maintain empathy for what your children are experiencing. Above all, don’t make them pick sides.

Photo: apdk

Often, just one call will give you the kind of support that can show you how to avoid stress and save money wherever you are in your divorce process. To find out how much my support can help you through this difficult time, please click here!

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Divorce and Friends

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During your marriage, you both had friends…hopefully. As you progress down the road toward divorce, don’t turn away from your friends. By the same token, don’t assume that friends you had together will still be your friends after divorce. And don’t assume that they won’t pick sides or that they will pick your side.

The key is that you are open to all of the what ifs? I see so many women who are shocked when the friends they had during their marriages become virtually non existent after divorce. Often friends they had before divorce become friends with the ex-spouse after divorce. Sometimes it even happens when they disliked each other during your marriage.

The key is that you don’t flee from caring friends. You need supportive people around you. You just can’t assume that those who seemed like friends before are really friends.

True friends stick by you. They always have your back and they always care. They may not be perfect but neither are you.

Phto: Wildebeast1

Often, just one call will give you the kind of support that can show you how to avoid stress and save money wherever you are in your divorce process. To find out how much my support can help you through this difficult time, please click here!

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