One of the things that is the most heartbreaking for me is when my clients tell me about losing custody of their children. I can’t emphasize enough that you need to prepare for the possibility that your soon to be ex-husband may try to obtain custody.
I have blogged on this subject before but I feel the need to do it again because I have just spoken with two new clients who are devastated over losing custody of their young children.
What is the saddest part about this kind of scenario is that in most cases the moms are “blindsided” when their husbands try to get custody. Many husbands showed no interest in their children previously.
There seem to be three main reasons for why husband’s try to get custody. (These would apply when the mother has been a good mother.)
- The husbands are on a mission to hurt their wives for whatever reason.
- The husbands are on a mission to prove to the children that their mothers did something that was inexcusable and that the dads are the heroes.
- The husbands understand that they will ultimately save money by gaining custody, even if they need to have the expense of child care.
When a couple divorces and the mother has custody, all of the costs for the children are computed into the formula of child support and possible spousal support.
To give you an idea of how this works, I’ll give you an example.
Let’s say that the mortgage is $2,000.00 per month for the family home and the utilities total $600.00 per month. There are two children and the mother living in the house. Basically, those expenses are divided by three. So $2,600.00 3 = $866.00 per person and the courts can require whatever percentage for the husband to pay. If the husband has the same expenses and he has custody, he will automatically save paying the $866.00 or whatever percentage the courts would have required him to pay.
The sad part of all three of the above reasons is that the children are often uprooted from the family home and are often placed in day care. In addition, these are situations where parental alienation of affection often comes into play. (There are other numbers involved but this example is meant to simplify the issue.)