Life and divorce is all about perspective. One of the most important aspects of my job is helping women see their divorces through eyes that have perspective. It’s so difficult to see or feel anything except what is ripping at your heart at the present moment.
Many women have already become emotionally and financially bankrupt when they begin to navigate through the divorce process. Often they feel so beaten down that they just can’t believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Unknowingly, they had turned over the controls of their lives and often their very beings to their husbands. Many of you know that I often say that abuse tiptoes into relationships.
Let’s use you as an example. You would never have married your husband if he had demeaned you or attacked you on your first date… right? How can it be that now you find yourself married to such a man? You wonder how he could have changed so much. The reality is that he probably didn’t change. What really happened was that little by little his abusive tendencies became more apparent as your ability to maintain your self confidence weakened.
Suddenly, you are not the self assured woman that you had been when you got married and you are afraid of how dependent and despondent you feel. You aren’t sure if you will ever be free of these self deprecating feelings. You don’t know if you will be able to regain the strength that you used to have in order to begin a new life.
Well, I am here to tell you that you are. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy but it can be done. The first step is to close your eyes and picture the woman you once were. Every single day when you wake up, picture that woman. Then, take baby steps to regain your ability to take charge of your life.
The most important part of this process is that you stay safe. Don’t ever put your safety or the safety of your children in jeopardy as you begin to work your way out of your marriage.